Yes. I am. Now family and close friends if you are reading this, I'm managing just fine. But I'm so completely overwhelmed that I know my anxiety is staring me down. I can feel it's breath on my face. I've gone "back to work" (kind of). I'm a permanent sub until Christmas, filling in for a friend who just had a baby. She teaches Special Ed Resource, definitely not my forté, as I was a classroom teacher....but I am where I need to be, selfishly anyway. I love being a teacher. Love it. However, I feel that putting my 4 year old in daycare is shorting him, because of course I was home with his older sister...who is now in first grade... I feel like I've let him down. (Truthfully, he loves his teacher and the environment he's in. It's really the best place for him. It justs breaks my heart when he wants a mommy and Ben day.... and we can't have one right then and there.) Did I mention I *love* being in the school setting though? Around other women? It's so nice...even though I occasionally have to dodge a bite or three from one of my students....I am cut out to be in the classroom.
So we are also trying to buy a house...and sell ours. On top of going back to work... we have an accepted offer on our super close to perfect dream house, contingent on selling our house. But there is a time frame. I'm stressed.
Oh...and DD broke out in hives for (still) some unknown reason .. and a week later the scratched spots make her look like she got in a clawing match with someone. DS got a mosquito bite on his ear, which swelled to twice it's normal size...he's flirting with a fever, I don't know how I'm going to get done what I need done tomorrow if I need to stay home with him.... I'm just stressed.
Stupid, huh?
We are healthy, blessed individuals who have a safe and great spot to live now. My children are healthy. Priorities are in order, but I'm feeling guilty.....
I hope this is normal for moms to feel this way. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed this down in writing.
