July 30th I tripped and fell (long story short).... hyper-extended my left knee (I mean ALL the way.... the WRONG way....) and tore my ACL. It's a near complete if not complete tear. (No way to tell for sure unless they go in and do surgery.)
Fast forward to August 10th, my first visit with the Orthopedist. Yep, definitely an ACL tear. Discuss options, no need for surgery at this point. Maybe in the future, but people can lead relatively normal lives without surgery unless they are an athlete. I have orders for one month of Physical Therapy, 3 times a week. Okay. I'll do my best. Projected length of recovery, 6 MONTHS. (They are kidding, right? I'm one of the most stubborn and competitive people I know. I will be feeling better in NO time!)
I am by NO means an athlete. Not even close. But I am active. I jog. I walk. I used to do Zumba. I play with my kids. I walk in my backyard, which happens to have very steep and rocky hills. I am extremely tough on myself, and challenge my limits constantly. (Remember, I'm going to be the BEST patient.... that doesn't cry and wince in pain.... and I'm gonna rock everyone's socks off.... and I'm going to be up and walking my 3-5 miles a day in NO time!)
So I go to my first PT session, and am taking everything in stride. Yes, it hurts, but I have a smile on my face because I CAN DO THIS. I'll show those doctors!
One week later, at PT, I'm breaking down in tears. Sobbing. It hurts. I'm not progressing as fast as I'd like. I hurt when I walk. The pressure in my knee is unbearable at times. Those dang heel slides and hamstring curls are killers. I can't do them. I mean, I *physically* can't do them. It's like my leg hit a wall, and it will NOT bend any farther.
My first knee-angle measurement was 79 degrees. That was on day 1 of PT. Now I'm up to 108 by myself, 114 if someone is pushing my leg. So I'm getting there. SLOWLY. (In my opinion.)
I went back for my second Ortho appointment today. I went in armed with what I wanted and needed for my doctor to say. I wanted to go ahead and schedule surgery. My knee has given out twice already from just ordinary movements (like I buckle down and nearly fall), and when I'm walking, it's like I'm trying to balance a bowling ball (my knee) on top of a golf tee (my lower leg) and an upside down golf tee (upper leg). The only thing aiding the bowling ball from falling off the tees are two giant rubber bands, one of which is near complete or completely torn. So it's a struggle to walk without wobble. Major wobble. I want to schedule surgery so I know I have a date set and that things will start (all over) getting better from that date. That I will be back to normal by.....whatever date. I also want a mobile brace so that I can start walking/jogging again without fear of twisting my knee. I know they make them with small rods to prevent side to side wobble, but still allow your knee to bend.
Well, NOTHING went the way I wanted it to go. NOTHING. Remember, I was going to lick this 6 month recovery and be done in like, 1 month. I was going to be up and going... and back to MY life within 6 weeks. Tomorrow makes 6 weeks since the accident. I still am not able to walk long (read:around the block) distances, which I wanted to do. But I thought if I had a brace, I'd be able to start tomorrow, and that will in turn help my knee progress even faster. I need that brace so I'm able to not have the constant fear of stepping wrong, or stepping on a random pebble, making me unbalanced, and then falling. (Yes, it's that easy to fall now.) I asked him for a brace. He said he'd get me one. He also prescribed a new medicine for me that isn't OTC, but stronger than ibuprofen, and not a narcotic. (Yay!!!) Oh... I forgot that part. The pain. You see, now that the swelling has decreased, I'm beginning to constantly feel the PAIN from the injury and the residual damage. It's not fun.
So then we talk surgery. He says "you are doing remarkably well, better than most who are 6 weeks post accident. I'm thrilled with your progress. If this continues, you won't need surgery at all. I really feel that with more PT, your muscles will continue to get stronger." Ok, gulp, that's great. I don't want surgery. But I want my life back. I want to not be concerned with every step I take. I want to not worry about someone bumping into me. I want to walk around the block. I want to jog. I want to ride a bike. I want to play with my kids. I want to be NORMAL again. I don't want to ice my knee after a short period of exercise. I want to not worry about it. You know, like I didn't worry about it 7 weeks ago. I just DID it. I want to be normal again.
So I have another follow up in November, and from that point, I guess we'll see how far I've come. Whether or not to do surgery. I just want to be back to normal.
The brace he gave me didn't do what I wanted it to do. So I didn't keep it. I guess I'll just bite the bullet, move S-L-O-W-L-Y and steadily.
So no brace. No surgery (yet). No walking. No dancing. It's not what I wanted to hear. But it's pretty remarkable that I've come as far as I have in this short amount of time. So not what I wanted to hear, it is what I needed to hear. I'm not even two months (1/3 into it) on board with the healing process and I'm ready to move on. I move at warp speed. Well, I used to. I'm kind of mad, but trying REALLY hard not to be. This 6 month recovery is no joke. They showed me!
