Discouraged.

I want to run. I want to get healthy. I want to have that time to myself to think, or maybe even *not* think. I know that most effort is not easy. I know that I should not give up. I'm not giving up. I'm pounding the pavement slowly, but surely. It is HARD. Especially when I am such a determined, routine-loving, driven, and stubborn person. I want my family to get healthier. I am trying, but meeting serious resistance. I'm also trying to get my family MOVING more. Again, it is hard. But I'm trying. I'm really REALLY trying. I'm just so discouraged. I'm leaning toward the "NO EXCUSES" approach, as I'm the "all or nothing" type. I've always had the "black and white" mentality, never fully accepting the shades of grey as being OK. But I'm learning to accept those shades as perfectly alright. Sorta. I still made myself get out and jog this morning, because it was ONLY 92 degrees. For as intelligent as I am, that was one of the DUMBEST decisions I've made. Forgetting to factor in the humidity, and the blazing sun, which made the temperature SEEM like 150 degrees. (NOAA said it actually felt like 100.) I think I actually cried some tears during the run, or maybe that was just sweat. I'm not sure. But I felt like crying. It was miserable. I only was out there for 26 minutes, jogging 16 minutes, walking 10. But I made it. I completed c25k w5d2. I'm more than halfway through the program. When I got inside, I cried for real. For two reasons. One, what a dumb decision it was to run right then, and two, because I was so proud of myself for not giving up. Even though I wanted to. Seriously though, the fact that I completed the run outweighs the negatives.

I don't know if anyone will even read this. But whatever. I feel better for writing the words.