Discouraged.

I want to run. I want to get healthy. I want to have that time to myself to think, or maybe even *not* think. I know that most effort is not easy. I know that I should not give up. I'm not giving up. I'm pounding the pavement slowly, but surely. It is HARD. Especially when I am such a determined, routine-loving, driven, and stubborn person. I want my family to get healthier. I am trying, but meeting serious resistance. I'm also trying to get my family MOVING more. Again, it is hard. But I'm trying. I'm really REALLY trying. I'm just so discouraged. I'm leaning toward the "NO EXCUSES" approach, as I'm the "all or nothing" type. I've always had the "black and white" mentality, never fully accepting the shades of grey as being OK. But I'm learning to accept those shades as perfectly alright. Sorta. I still made myself get out and jog this morning, because it was ONLY 92 degrees. For as intelligent as I am, that was one of the DUMBEST decisions I've made. Forgetting to factor in the humidity, and the blazing sun, which made the temperature SEEM like 150 degrees. (NOAA said it actually felt like 100.) I think I actually cried some tears during the run, or maybe that was just sweat. I'm not sure. But I felt like crying. It was miserable. I only was out there for 26 minutes, jogging 16 minutes, walking 10. But I made it. I completed c25k w5d2. I'm more than halfway through the program. When I got inside, I cried for real. For two reasons. One, what a dumb decision it was to run right then, and two, because I was so proud of myself for not giving up. Even though I wanted to. Seriously though, the fact that I completed the run outweighs the negatives.

I don't know if anyone will even read this. But whatever. I feel better for writing the words.

Finished my first "Community College" class! Lol!

*May 2000, graduated with my Bachelor's Degree.
*December 2002, graduated with my Master's Degree.
*May 2010, my teaching license went "inactive" because I wasn't currently teaching.
*April 2012 I decided I'm ready to reactivate it.

Do you know what is involved with getting my license reactivated? Here's the short of it.

Call Missouri. All I have to do is "complete a 2-3 hour college course that pertains to the degree."
((OK))
Call Arkansas. Have to have "Arkansas History and a current license OR have Arkansas History and retake the Praxis I and II." ((WHAT THE WHAT??? I **HAVE** my original Praxis scores in my files...))

So I enroll in the local community college (they wanted my High School transcript and ACT scores. I laughed, thinking I'd never find them. But guess what? After 15 years and 8 moves, I DID FIND THEM! Thanks, OCD!), take Arkansas History online, finish the 8 week course in a matter of 24 days (yay, me!), get my Transcript printed with my 100.18% A for Arkansas History, (I missed ONE point in the entire course, but ended up with 5 bonus points!) prepare to mail it to Missouri, along with my fingerprints in REAL ink for Missouri's database, even though I already have them digitally scanned in the NATIONAL FBI database, but whatever.

So I mail all the necessary stuff to Missouri, and wait for those precious ACTIVE pieces of paper to arrive at my house.

Then I will take those active pieces of paper, another community college transcript proving I took the AR History course, and all the necessary stuff up to Little Rock and hand deliver them to the man in charge. (Who happens to be friends with my father in law, so I can do that.) ((Thanks, Freddie! ;-) ))

Then I'm sure I'll need to wait a few weeks, and then, THEN I will have my perfectly active, precious pieces of paper in my pretty little hands..... so I can wait for the perfect teaching position to open up!

((And teach alliteration to my students once again.))

Note to self: Don't let your license go inactive again. Stay on top of it every 5 years for the renewal!

You know, even though this reactivation process has been a hurry up and wait, sometimes superbly frustrating, let's see if I can find it, mountain of paperwork process, I'm loving it. I love a challenge, and the organization it takes to get exactly what I'm looking for!

I'll post pics of the precious pieces of paper when they arrive. :)

The Power of Pinterest

Sponge balls. Took awhile to make them, but wow. They were "water balloons," grenades, and best of all, cleaning devices! The kid wash, aka the sprinkler, is also an idea from Pinterest! We are having a great summer! Good mixture of coming, going, playing and relaxing. :-)
PS, E and K had friends over. I didn't pick up two more kids.

Dance Like No One is Watching.

A couple of different events this week got me thinking about life. Now I'm not going to get philosophical or anything, but I am going to blog what is on my heart.

The untimely death of someone very close to my loved ones has me heartbroken. Especially for my loved ones who are dramatically effected. While the person who died was older, doing what he loved, and was where he loved to be, it does not make his accidental death any easier to deal with. My thoughts and prayers go out to his wife, children, family, friends and loved ones. All I can do is pray for peace and understanding for those he left behind.

The retirement of our Pastor. I have never experienced such a well loved Pastor be celebrated as much as Brother David Blase. He was the man who performed our wedding ceremony. Just like WE wanted it, not like so many others THOUGHT it had to be. In the short time I've known him, I am so thankful that I DID get the opportunity to join the church under his leadership, I got to be in his Sunday School class, and I got to experience the true passion he has for what he loves to do. What a great experience to have a GREAT celebration for this man and his wife as they close a 25 year chapter of their lives at our church!

People. Specifically the people who are so self centered they don't give a rat's a$$ about anyone else. I've had a couple different (second-hand) instances this week with this type of person. WOW. I do not understand how they can be so ignorant. Good thing I heard about how ridiculous they are via someone else. Had I been with this ignorant person, I know I would have told them how ridiculous and selfish they are.....amongst other things.


How lucky I am. I am smart, talented, healthy, educated, crafty, loving, a nurturer, etc.... but someone I talked with this week isn't as (what I refer to as) lucky. Maybe some of my lifelong dreams will come true through helping this person. She opened up to me, and I really do want to help her learn the skills she is lacking.

Health. My little family and I are healthy. Em, Ben and I are dealing with some asthma issues, but we're getting our meds adjusted to assist in feeling even better. I've also started walking and doing Zumba. I'm loving it so far!

Whoa. I just dozed off. I jerked myself awake because I heard a crying baby. Whew. Just on TV.  OK then.....until next time!




Becky

Screams, Sighs, and Giggles....Part 3 (and last post of series)

2:00 - Arrive home. Get DS out of the van, grab his scooter, a shovel and whatever else will entertain him while I unload the van. Start the process of unloading the van, and realize that my nicely stacked boxed goods are no longer nicely stacked. Guess I took a corner to close or something. Who knows. I glance at all of my "goods," and make a plan of attack. I get in the swing of things, only to be interrupted because DS needs help with putting on his helmet. What mom can get upset over that kind of interruption? A 3 year old making sure he is safe and protected? Awww.... OK. Back to the van. I organize into groups: freezer, fresh, boxed, cans and meat to separate into smaller portions to freeze. Luckily I still have my 4 coolers to help keep stuff cold. So I get all these "piles" formed in the driveway, and what does it start to do? RAIN. RAIN??? The sky isn't dark or anything! It hasn't rained pretty much all summer, and the moment I get a month's worth of groceries organized in the driveway, it starts raining. *Sigh....* so I start grabbing stuff to pull under the breezeway and so at least it's covered... and closer to the door. Why don't I just take it all inside, you ask? Simply because DS is happy outside right now, and I will not go inside if he is outside, so for the sake of his happiness, I do my organizing outside! Even it's 101 degrees. (Guess it's "cooler" in Arkansas than in Texas.)
2:35 - A UPS delivery, scooter-ing up and down the driveway, putting all the freezer stuff in the deep freeze and digging up all kinds of stuff later, DS is ready to go in. (Yay!) I haul everything inside while he plays on the computer. Now comes the fun part... putting away. DH, DD, and DBS come home in 50 minutes, so I make a lofty goal to get it all done before then. #FAIL. I'm only just beginning to divide stuff into smaller portions when they get home. DH and DD are ELATED that there is NEW food in the house, so much to choose from! DBS, on the other hand, is grumpy because nothing looks good to him. So 4/5 of us have a snack, and we go our separate ways. We won't be needing dinner for a bit, so I dive back into my project.
4:30 - DBS starts whining that he's hungry. "Get a snack!" I say. (Groan, groan, groan, whine, whine, whine is all I hear from him.)
4:35 - I ask DH when he wants dinner. He replies 5:30, to which DBS whines even more. "I'M STARVING!!!" "GET A SNACK THEN!" DH and I both reply. I go back to my project and DH goes back to his TV and laptop-ing.
4:50 - DBS has been boo who-ing for 15 minutes, and I've had it. I get out the steaks for DH and myself (DC don't like steak, and DH had been craving it terribly), and ask him to go ahead and start grilling them. He gets up, puts on his flip flops, looks at me and says "I wasn't ready to start grilling yet." He then quickly walks outside to start the grill. Good thing, because I think I would have reached across the bar at that point and punched him. While he's been off in virtual and TV lala land, I've been dealing with a whiny 10 year old who won't stop having his pity party. Even though I'm doing a good job of ignoring his pity party, I'm annoyed as all get out. I scream inside my head. Apparently DH and I had a miscommunication, I took his 5:30 dinner time for "food on the table, ready to eat" not just start grilling. :-/ I scream in my head, again.
5:15 - Kids' food is ready to be served. DH and I will wait for our food to be done before we eat. No big deal. Now we have 3 happy kids, so let them dig in! Make that 2 happy kids. DS is stressing because we aren't all sitting at the table for the blessing. I think we have a future religious negotiator on our hands. I don't know the official term, but his lawyer-ing and prayer requesting skills at 3 are better than many adults' that I know. So DH (who is back and forth between the kitchen and the deck) and I pause for the blessing, it is said, and all is well with the world.
5:30 - DH comes in with our steaks. The gas on the grill finally ran out... in the middle of grilling. Of course it did. So we have to finish them in the microwave. There is nothing like a microwaved steak. *Sigh...*
7:15 - Food is eaten, baths and showers for DD and DS have been taken, chores are finished, and it's finally time to wind down for the day. They are in their jammies, and I read them their Bible story. Then we talk about it. Prayers are said, hugs and kisses are given, I sing to them and tuck them in. Such precious times. DBS comes in to read to them, which they all love. It's so cute!
7:35 - I go outside to water my very thirsty beloved plants.
8:00 - I come back in, all sweaty and yucky, to find DS standing at the top of the stairs saying he was so sad because he couldn't find me. He was "looking an' looking for you (me) but I could not find you! Sniff, sniff.." LOL. He's so cute. But dang it, he is supposed to be sleeping! I give him hugs, and tell him to go back to bed. He says he needs to hear twinkle twinkle. Realizing he won't ask for this much longer, I head to their room to sing to him. Make it them. DD is still awake. (This causes a little stress for me because she has to be rested for Kindergarten!) So I "Twinkle, Twinkle" them, and off to night night land they go.
8:10 - I feel like it's midnight. I think about what a day we had, Thank God for my wonderful life, and decide that I should blog about my day. One this good just NEEDS to be shared. By 10:00, I'm jotting down my day for post #1, and falling asleep while writing. Apparently I hit "publish," because when I woke up at 11:30, with the laptop still on my lap, I "woke up" the computer and it said "post published!" Oh good gravy, did I "add" something while I was sleeping? Too tired to figure it out, I decide I will do so in the morning. If I'd only known I'd be up with a not-feeling-so-great little girl 30 minutes later, I'd have gone ahead and checked. Oh well, so goes the life of this momma. I love it! (Giggles, Grins, and sighs........) :)

Screams, Sighs, and Giggles... Part 2

8:00 - arrive back home. Sweat has dried, and I opt to not take a shower before heading into Texarkana. Heck, I'm just gonna sweat again, so why bother?
8:02 - grab the Sam's Club and Albertson's shopping lists, load 4 (yes, 4) coolers into the van, lock the door, and go. DS and I are off for a shopping adventure. But first we stop for a special treat, an ICEE for DS. I know it's sugar. I know it's early in the morning, but I also know that we have a drive ahead of us, and I really want it to be quiet. Any mother would understand this "plan." I start his movie, he dons the headphones, sips his ICEE, (I have my Diet Coke) and we're off. 30 minutes into the drive, after it being so quiet and peaceful (from him, anyway, I was listening to the radio.) DS says "man, who pooped in here?" OMG! I laughed, giggled, giggled some more, then giggled because I was giggling so much...and finally replied, "no one! It's the paper mill!" Then I giggled some more, till my side cramped. I hope you have enjoyed a laugh so hard you know the cramp I'm talking about! Thank goodness we don't live in Ashdown. Nashville might smell like chicken factory sometimes, (Tyson plant in town) but a paper mill? That is downright nasty.
8:50 - arrive in Texarkana, however the construction has the highway and exits so jacked up I end up missing the lane I need to be in. I'm in one of those "off one ramp, drive on the left hand side of the bridge, and enter the on ramp, on the other side, headed back the direction I just came from" lanes. Are you kidding me? Ugh. Luckily I see a driveway into the mall parking lot, turn in there and finally am at the stoplight that will let me get to the intersection where I needed to be in the first place. (That is quick thinking on my part, eh?) I wait for the light to turn green, and finally get into the Albertson's parking lot. I park halfway into the parking lot, near a cart corral, so not only do I get a little more exercise, but I don't have to go far to return the cart when DS is already in the van.
9:05 - Enter the grocery store. (That took 15 minutes. Really. Really?) DS chooses one of those "Bean" cart things, so he can drive the car. However this is much larger than one of those little cars, and it's PINK. DS guesses that's ok. Although he isn't extremely happy. Considering it's either that cart or a regular cart, he decides he'll stick with the pink one. Whatever. I just have to pee. Let's go. He's not ready. Seriously DS, you don't have to buckle in, you're getting out in a second anyway. First stop, bathroom. DS and I both do our business, and we're off. Only to drive our cart right by the other entrance where he sees a RED car cart thingy. He must trade. Whatever will keep him happy. So we change carts (which isn't that easy if you've ever tried to manuever those things, let alone two of them in a small area with people walking in and out laughing at you), and we're off. We make it about 10 feet and I'll be danged if they don't have a cereal display with Lightning McQueen and Mater on it. Good grief! I just want to get my groceries! We skip the produce (I'll shop locally for that, because I don't want it to spoil in the 109 degree heat.) and on to boxed goods. We drive up and down the aisles, getting what is on the list and then some. We find about 1 million more marketing schemes with "Cars" characters, and after much coaxing, DS realizes he doesn't need them. Shew! Then it happens. He sees these ridiculously cheaply made 2 pack of motorcycles that he HAS to have. "No, DS, you don't need those. You have motorcycles at home. Yes, you have a green one. Yes, you have a small one. Yes, you have a medium sized one. You don't need those. Come on." We are almost finished when he sees that darn aisle with toys in it. I loved those as a kid! I hate them as a mom. DS jumps out of the car (cart), stands in the middle of the aisle and WHAILS that he NEEDS to show me something. He NEEDS to go there. "No, DS, you don't. We do not need any of those toys. Let's go." (You know what's coming next, right?) "NOOOOOOOOO! I WANT TO GO SEE THE TOYS! NOOOOOO! MOMMY, I WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to which I replied, very calmly I might add, and that stern "don't mess with momma: look on my face... "DS, you can choose to come walk next to me and hold on to the cart, or you can choose for me to buckle you into the seatbelt and you can't walk at all. Which would you prefer?" It took him about 2 seconds to come stand beside me and hold onto the cart. Good boy! (I like to think I impressed all those people who gathered to see what this kid was screaming about... you know the ones.... with my parenting technique.) We check out, I come in .88 under budget (yay me!) and someone offers to take my groceries to the van. WHAT? I've forgotten what that service is all about! I think I've found MY grocery store, even though it's 45 miles away from home... not because of the personal service (ok, that helps), but because since it's in Texas, food isn't taxed! As I mentioned earlier, I'll still by produce and perishables locally, but boxes and cans? Woot! Who knew grocery shopping could be (kinda) fun! It's all a challenge... and I love it! So Mr. Awesome cart boy finishes loading groceries in the van, we laugh about all the coolers...I come up with "Party in my van, 11:00!" (JUST kidding, people. About the party. Not about the joke I cracked.) Explain about Sam's Club, and he gets it. I get in my seat, start the van, and it's 10:38. While I realize that took longer than anticipated, I giggle at the fact that merely a week ago I'd just be getting around to showering, and look at EVERYTHING I've already done! I'm not finished yet, either!
10:45- park the van at Sam's Club. Here we go. Good thing they don't have those "Bean" carts, right? BUT... the do have those two kid in front with a buggy behind carts, to which DS balks at...(yes!) their regular carts (man I love those things! They're so big!) which I go to grab with DS holding onto my hand. All of the sudden, we're stopped. DS has put on his brakes because HE wants the flat loading cart. "So I can ride it like my scooter, Mommy!" "Absolutely not. Get in the cart. No, not the back. We have too much stuff to buy." So he's in, I show the lady my card, and we enter Sam's Club. I haven't decided if I like the smell of Sam's or not. It depends on the day. Most of the time, I love it. But sometimes the smell of those tires about knock you over. Especially when it's 109 outside. I won't go into all of the details of our trip to Sam's, because it was amazingly pleasant. DS was "the perfect child" so I have no funny stories to tell. We had such an enjoyable time together! Two full carts unloaded, stacked and packed into 4 coolers, the non-perishables neatly stacked into the back of the van (which is running with the A/C on for DS) I haul the two carts to the buggy corral, open my door, get in the van, and realize how disgustingly sweaty I am. Have I mentioned that it was 109 degrees?
12:48 - Two hours at Sam's? Hey, that's actually not bad considering loading time and waiting in line! We are on our way to Chick-Fil-A! I see a Diet Coke in my future!
1:00 - We have our Chick-Fil-A, and are now on the way to Starbucks. I LOVE LOVE LOVE their Toffee Nut syrup, and I buy it by the bottle. I think it's hilarious that people think I put alcohol in my coffee. But I quickly explain it's not! LOL~ So I'm eating my nuggets (yummy!!) and I pull up to pay. $7.95 for the ENTIRE bottle. That's cheaper than two Toffee Nut Lattes! Go, frugal me!


**Stay tuned for part 3 of Screams, Sighs and Giggles!** DS is hungry for lunch, and I'm tired of typing. Read me soon! ;-)

Screams, Sighs, and Giggles... Part 1

6:00 AM - "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP" DH drags me out of bed. Literally. It's the only way I won't go back to sleep. (Seriously. I promise.)
6:05 AM - Hit the shower.
6:15 AM - "Hi Mommy, I heard you in 'da shower so I came in here." - The most adorable little Buzz Lightyear stands before me, watching me dry off. (What about privacy? Oh yeah. I'm a mom.)
6:17 - get dressed. Tell DS to go potty.
6:20 - Attempt to brush my hair. But it's too tangled, so I spray detangler in it, pull it up in a messy pony tail, and brush my teeth.
6:23 - turn on my Keurig. Pull some waffles out of the freezer for DS. Microwave 1 minute. Butter, no syrup. Pull out another set for DD. Microwave 1 minute. Butter and syrup. Add two prunes. She loves them. Pull out another set of waffles for DBS. Throw them in the toaster, but don't toast them. Wait for him to do it whenever he is ready. Which this morning, took a LONG time. That kiddo piddles around and gripes for about 20 minutes every morning. More than anyone else I know, not counting, ahem, ME of course..... Trade out my K cup, pull out some french toast, microwave for 20 seconds, spread some peanut butter on each piece, and hit the large mug size so my coffee starts brewing.
6:30 - Time to wake DD. "Knock, knock, knock..." and after a few stretches, she's up.
6:34 - 3 of us are eating breakfast together. In comes DH, dressed and ready to go for the day. (I don't get it!) He sits down at the table with us.
6:40 - DBS finally comes over to eat. With a blanket on his head. DC think this is HILARIOUS. Me, not so much. DH is ignoring it all.
6:41 - DS is practically dancing in his seat. I say, AGAIN, "GO POTTY!" Off he runs.
6:41:32 (or about) "uh oh Mommy...." all I can think is "CRAP!" I walk down the hall to the bathroom, where I find PEE everywhere. E.VERY.WHERE. Up the wall. All over the toilet paper roll. On the floor. EVERYWHERE. I accidentally let those inner voices out of my head and replied with "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP PEEING EVERYWHERE! Hit the WATER! Not the WALL!" Oops. Didn't mean for that scream to get out. But it did. So I grab a towel, and start mopping up the pee. Groan, groan, grr, grunt. Straight to the washer with that pee-soaked towel. Wash hands. Clean up DS. Wash hands again, steer DS and DD out of the bathroom (she appeared when I started screaming. Yay.) In comes DH with the 409. Bless his heart.
6:45 - DD's turn to go potty, brush teeth, and wet her hair so it's easier to fix.
6:50 - DD is still in there. I open the door, there she is, standing just as I left her 5 minutes ago, and hasn't done anything. She was just looking at and talking to herself in the mirror. *sigh*
6:51 - after a little talking to...DD is finally doing as she was told.
6:55 - get DS and DD dressed. Good thing I laid their clothes out the night before.
6:57 - Where did I put my coffee?
7:00 - Get backpacks and lunchboxes together.
7:05 - realize my travel coffee mug lid is all messed up. Dump out of that mug into another, and microwave for 30 seconds.
7:06 - Fix DD's hair.
7:10 - DH and DBS leave for school.
I don't recall what happened during the next 20 minutes, but something had to have happened, because we were all in the right place at the right time.
7:30 - DD, DS and I leave to take DD to school.
7:40 - arrive at school, to wait in the car-rider drop off lane. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug "Have a great day DD! Love you!"
7:50 - get out of the van at the park. Instant sweat. Can we say humidity? 7:55, we're back in the van, because DS saw a large flying insect that he wasn't fond of. Mommy to the rescue. Windows up, A/C on, we're both happy.


**Part 2 will continue tomorrow. I'm so sleepy, I can't keep my eyes open. Stay tuned for funny stuff!**

Kindergarten

So, it's happened. My baby girl is officially in Kindergarten. Mommas always say they grow up so fast, they seem like they were just born yesterday, etc. Yes, they do grow up terribly fast. While the two of us have been through a lot together in her short 5 years, those years really have flown by. Maybe not each day, but definitely the years. I can remember the minute she was born like it was yesterday. I can remember the feeling of our bodies separating. Yesterday, my lil' girl entered Kindergarten. I will forever remember that day, just like the day she was born. I will always remember the feeling of leaving her in her classroom, and how happy she was. Neither of us cried. Neither of us cried until the moment she was "given" back to me at the end of the day, then I got all teary, my nose tickled, I felt all stuffy in my head, and I was so happy to hold her in my arms. Just like the moment when I held her for the first time. What an amazing feeling that is... and I'm so thankful!

Then, today.... I didn't walk her to her classroom. She got out of the van, I pushed the button for the door to close, and off she went. My lil' girl. She loves school... she's so awesome. I am so very proud of her and how she conquers life. Oh, and, she is already making herself known at school with her amazingly cute, contagious personality. A teacher walked up to me while I was getting ready to drive away and told me "That lil' Emmie is a HOOT! She is HILARIOUS! I'm so glad I get to be (an assistant) in her room this year! She had me rolling........" That made my day. I love my baby girl so much... words can not express how proud I am of her!!!!

Now if I could just get her to go to the bathroom at school. She holds it ALL day! (rolling eyes....)

Bring It Down Now!

Voices. Loud voices. This is our current struggle everywhere we go, but especially at home. Everyone has loud voices. Kids talk loudly. Mommy talks louder to be heard over the kids. DH gets even louder so he can be heard over the kids. It is all one big, loud, annoying circle that has to end, right? We are constantly shushing the kids, but catch ourselves being louder than we need to be at times, too. A.R.G.H!!! I have the hand signs, you know, the "Bring it down now"..... "A little bit softer now," turning down the volume, pointing to the celing, I have them. The kids know what they mean. But NO ONE respects their meaning. Frustration. Seems like I need to pray for patience....

Obsessions

Ok, so I might be obsessed with a number of things. But honestly, I can't think of a single tangible "obsession" of mine that takes as much time as a true obsession should. Whatever that means. I like many different things, I like them more than other people might.... but I can't ever stay focused on one of my "obsessions" long enough to get anything accomplished. My mini obsessions include scrapbooking, crafting, making Scrapper paraphernalia, making bows for my DD, making lists, Facebook, email, painting, photography, did I mention crafting? You get my drift. Sure, I have those obsessions of making sure my DC (DBS-10, DD-5, DS-3), are all okay, as often as I can... when I hear a cough I throw on my mommy cape and feel their foreheads... {giggles...}..., I am obsessed with trying to make sure each meal has the four food groups (but fail more than I'd like to mention), I'm obsessed with trying to be the "perfect" mom and wife, but after many years of therapy I've realized that just isn't gonna happen. No ma'am, it's not gonna happen. So when I get that urge to be perfect.... I focus on something else. Thank goodness I can focus on something else, because I've been at the bottom. I've plunged so deep into depression with anxiety and panic attacks I thought I'd never come out. I've dealt with OCD. While I wasn't clinically diagnosed with OCD, I did fall onto the spectrum, or rather diagnosed with OCD "tendencies." Go figure, right? LOL... at least I can laugh about it now. (But when I think about how bad it actually was back then [4 years ago] I am amazed at how far I've come. How much I've grown in understanding Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. How thankful I am that I made it out of that awful pit, more than once, but at the same time realize how quickly I can plunge back in if I don't keep my "levels" in check.) I had the help of a WONDERFUL psychiatrist (who I finally, FINALLY, paid off in January 2011 because of a mis-communication with the insurance company), who prescribed medication to help me through those horrible times, who taught me what MY signs are that will lead into depression if I am not able to bring myself out of them, and so much more about life. Hey, obsessions can be fun (just ask my husband, who is obsessed with Star Wars), but they can also be dangerous. Funny how I use the term "obsession" more carefully now. People don't know how much that word can hurt, unless they have been at the bottom themselves. Shoot. This is such a tough topic to blog about, but if I have ANY reader that I can help at least get started with the right doctors and therapists to make them feel "human" again, I will feel successful. Someone helped me once, and she didn't know it at the time. Until I told her. We both had a good cry over it all, but she was the person that gave me the phone number. She was the one who started the ball rolling to find my happiness again. I've gone on to get the ball rolling for another friend of mine, in a "Pay it Forward" type of thing. But my work is not done. I felt the need to write this tonight. Maybe I can help someone out there by posting this, who knows. While this started out as a laughable, light post, it kinda took a serious turn, huh? Well, that's what life deals you sometimes. Let's roll with the punches! (A big thanks to my family and friends who stepped in when I needed you the most! Especially my momma and LB. This post is for you!) Cheers! (Hey, I'm happy now...so I MUST end on a happy note!) :-)

Time to Call it a Night....

....or morning I guess you could say! It is currently 1:13 AM, and it's 85 degrees. Yes, that's what living in Southwest Arkansas will deal you in August. So I will sign off for the night, after an attempt to upload a picture. Hope it all ends well! Goodnight~

Woot! I did it! DH must be in mid-lick of licking his lips here, but otherwise it's a great picture. That's real life for you! (This was taken at Hoover Dam.)

Why This Blog Title?

"Never Say Never" comes from the ever-famous saying that has popped up in my life over-and-over-and-over again. Life has handed me pathways I said I'd NEVER venture down, but I laced up my hiking boots, grabbed my water (err, latte and Diet Coke), my iPod (hmm, well, my very verbal husband and children), reached for God's outstretched hand, took a deep breath, and HERE I AM.... walking down a path that I NEVER imagined I'd be happy on! Here is a glimpse at MY everyday life. Enjoy!