The ACL Saga Continues.

July 30th I tripped and fell (long story short).... hyper-extended my left knee (I mean ALL the way.... the WRONG way....) and tore my ACL. It's a near complete if not complete tear. (No way to tell for sure unless they go in and do surgery.)

Fast forward to August 10th, my first visit with the Orthopedist. Yep, definitely an ACL tear. Discuss options, no need for surgery at this point. Maybe in the future, but people can lead relatively normal lives without surgery unless they are an athlete. I have orders for one month of Physical Therapy, 3 times a week. Okay. I'll do my best. Projected length of recovery, 6 MONTHS. (They are kidding, right? I'm one of the most stubborn and competitive people I know. I will be feeling better in NO time!)

I am by NO means an athlete. Not even close. But I am active. I jog. I walk. I used to do Zumba. I play with my kids. I walk in my backyard, which happens to have very steep and rocky hills. I am extremely tough on myself, and challenge my limits constantly. (Remember, I'm going to be the BEST patient.... that doesn't cry and wince in pain.... and I'm gonna rock everyone's socks off.... and I'm going to be up and walking my 3-5 miles a day in NO time!)

So I go to my first PT session, and am taking everything in stride. Yes, it hurts, but I have a smile on my face because I CAN DO THIS. I'll show those doctors!

One week later, at PT, I'm breaking down in tears. Sobbing. It hurts. I'm not progressing as fast as I'd like. I hurt when I walk. The pressure in my knee is unbearable at times. Those dang heel slides and hamstring curls are killers. I can't do them. I mean, I *physically* can't do them. It's like my leg hit a wall, and it will NOT bend any farther.

My first knee-angle measurement was 79 degrees. That was on day 1 of PT. Now I'm up to 108 by myself, 114 if someone is pushing my leg. So I'm getting there. SLOWLY. (In my opinion.)

I went back for my second Ortho appointment today. I went in armed with what I wanted and needed for my doctor to say. I wanted to go ahead and schedule surgery. My knee has given out twice already from just ordinary movements (like I buckle down and nearly fall), and when I'm walking, it's like I'm trying to balance a bowling ball (my knee) on top of a golf tee (my lower leg) and an upside down golf tee (upper leg). The only thing aiding the bowling ball from falling off the tees are two giant rubber bands, one of which is near complete or completely torn. So it's a struggle to walk without wobble. Major wobble. I want to schedule surgery so I know I have a date set and that things will start (all over) getting better from that date. That I will be back to normal by.....whatever date. I also want a mobile brace so that I can start walking/jogging again without fear of twisting my knee. I know they make them with small rods to prevent side to side wobble, but still allow your knee to bend.

Well, NOTHING went the way I wanted it to go. NOTHING. Remember, I was going to lick this 6 month recovery and be done in like, 1 month. I was going to be up and going... and back to MY life within 6 weeks. Tomorrow makes 6 weeks since the accident. I still am not able to walk long (read:around the block) distances, which I wanted to do. But I thought if I had a brace, I'd be able to start tomorrow, and that will in turn help my knee progress even faster. I need that brace so I'm able to not have the constant fear of stepping wrong, or stepping on a random pebble, making me unbalanced, and then falling. (Yes, it's that easy to fall now.) I asked him for a brace. He said he'd get me one. He also prescribed a new medicine for me that isn't OTC, but stronger than ibuprofen, and not a narcotic. (Yay!!!) Oh... I forgot that part. The pain. You see, now that the swelling has decreased, I'm beginning to constantly feel the PAIN from the injury and the residual damage. It's not fun.

So then we talk surgery. He says "you are doing remarkably well, better than most who are 6 weeks post accident. I'm thrilled with your progress. If this continues, you won't need surgery at all. I really feel that with more PT, your muscles will continue to get stronger." Ok, gulp, that's great. I don't want surgery. But I want my life back. I want to not be concerned with every step I take. I want to not worry about someone bumping into me. I want to walk around the block. I want to jog. I want to ride a bike. I want to play with my kids. I want to be NORMAL again. I don't want to ice my knee after a short period of exercise. I want to not worry about it. You know, like I didn't worry about it 7 weeks ago. I just DID it. I want to be normal again.

So I have another follow up in November, and from that point, I guess we'll see how far I've come. Whether or not to do surgery. I just want to be back to normal.

The brace he gave me didn't do what I wanted it to do. So I didn't keep it. I guess I'll just bite the bullet, move S-L-O-W-L-Y and steadily.

So no brace. No surgery (yet). No walking. No dancing. It's not what I wanted to hear. But it's pretty remarkable that I've come as far as I have in this short amount of time. So not what I wanted to hear, it is what I needed to hear. I'm not even two months (1/3 into it) on board with the healing process and I'm ready to move on. I move at warp speed. Well, I used to. I'm kind of mad, but trying REALLY hard not to be. This 6 month recovery is no joke. They showed me!

Faith.

2 Corinthians 5:7. "For we live by faith, not by sight."

This scripture is one that I find myself constantly repeating. When dealing with "little" things, when dealing with "bigger" things, when worried about upcoming decisions that I have no control over, (Even typing that makes me think "WHY am I worried? I can't do anything about it." it's all just frustrating.) I have to hand it over to God. Hand it over to the person who knows what is best in the long run.

After all, it's His will that brought us into this situation, and I have to say He knew the best way. He knows what He's doing. He is the one who knows how it will all work out, and I need to have faith that it will work out. I know it will, because He is in charge.

But don't think for a second I'm not trying to figure it out on my own. Even if His way is not the "best" way "I" think it should happen, it IS the best way for the situation. I need to take a few steps back and hand it over.

It's hard.

I know it wouldn't be if I had complete faith.

So I will end with this. I DO have faith. He knows best. His best and my preference might not be what I think is best for the current situation, but ultimately, HE does know best.

I also know He understands that being a landlord is not easy. I am ready for this title I've had for the last 2 years to be removed from my resume. It will happen, when He is ready for me to walk that path. It will come in due time.

Swimming.

See those beauties in the pool? ONE week ago, I couldn't get B in the water without him holding on to something for dear life, or without floaties.... and I couldn't get E to let go of the side of the pool. Look at them! This is after 5 days of lessons, and I am MORE than impressed. I'm so proud of both of my babies! There were several moments where I was nearly crying because I was so proud. They did such an amazing job. They even went off the diving board for the 1st time today! AND NO FLOATIES!!!!!

We came home from lessons, and went to a neighbor's house for 2 more hours of swimming....where they continued the quest for their new found passion of jumping off the edge over and over and over and over. What a beautiful, relaxing, wonderful summer evening.

I am one proud momma, and not as much of a nervous wreck when they are playing in a pool. At least I know they have some skills! No worries, I won't let them go unsupervised (maybe ever...lol) but I'm a bit more relaxed knowing the KNOW how to get their faces in the water and get to the edge. Wow.

Water park, here we come!

Neighbors.

I've had good neighbors my entire adult life. Some have been quiet, some have been like grandparents, all have been helpful, and ALL have made an impact on my life. Especially my current neighbors. As I was walking home from a quick walk with a friend, it was getting dark. There is tall grass on either side of the road, (livin' in the couuuuuuuuuuuuuuuntry!) and a pond set back off the road, but not too far back. My lovely current neighbor was telling me the other day of a very large snake, that wouldn't die after being run over 4 times, and an alligator snapping turtle the size of a dinosaur (just kidding) that came out of that pond. At night. In the summer. Let's just say I didn't see either of those nasty types, but did go into convulsions when a large bug hit me in the lips. I walked (okay, almost ran) the remainder of the way home with my shirt over my mouth and nose so I wouldn't accidentally eat a bug. I kept thinking a snake was going to get me... then (another) neighbor's dog didn't recognize me in the dark... even when I talked to him... then I thought I was going to get attacked by the darn dog.... and the snake, and the turtle, and the giant flying bug.... then I did the most wonderful thing. I opened the front door, stepped in, closed it (you know, so those huge dinosaur bugs wouldn't come into my territory) and took a deep breath. HOME ALIVE! #I'mstillnotevenclosetoacountrygirl. #andyesIknowhashtagsdon'tworkhere.

Happiness.

Just giving you all out there in virtual land a big hello and all is well here! I'll be posting in the next few weeks, but not yet. Must go clean a closet. Life of a momma! :)

Perspective.

Do you ever feel like you don't deserve to whine? That you don't deserve to complain about anything? Do you ever realize that you are so incredibly blessed to live the way you live, have the health you have, have all of your needs taken care of, and be who you are? My answer? I do. To all of them. I often lose sight of how blessed I am when all I want to do is complain. But I'm to the point that when I *think* the complaint in my head, before it ever floats out of my mouth, I stop and tell myself to shut it. I look around and do a reality check. I thank God for my life as it is, even if it isn't always the way *I* think it should go. I can't do anything about the things I can't change, but I can change the way I react to life's little ups and downs.

My fight with Depression is an extremely hard mental battle to fight. Although it is under control right now, choosing my reactions on a daily basis is the first step to "soaring" or "spiraling." EVERY single decision has such an impact on the way my mind works, I often times have to take the easy road to avoid the plunge. Even though that is often the road I don't want to take. I like a challenge. I like "doing" lots of things to keep me busy. But I also like my perspective a lot more when I'm healthy and happy than when I'm overwhelmed and anxious.

Overwhelmed.

Yes. I am. Now family and close friends if you are reading this, I'm managing just fine. But I'm so completely overwhelmed that I know my anxiety is staring me down. I can feel it's breath on my face. I've gone "back to work" (kind of). I'm a permanent sub until Christmas, filling in for a friend who just had a baby. She teaches Special Ed Resource, definitely not my forté, as I was a classroom teacher....but I am where I need to be, selfishly anyway. I love being a teacher. Love it. However, I feel that putting my 4 year old in daycare is shorting him, because of course I was home with his older sister...who is now in first grade... I feel like I've let him down. (Truthfully, he loves his teacher and the environment he's in. It's really the best place for him. It justs breaks my heart when he wants a mommy and Ben day.... and we can't have one right then and there.) Did I mention I *love* being in the school setting though? Around other women? It's so nice...even though I occasionally have to dodge a bite or three from one of my students....I am cut out to be in the classroom.

So we are also trying to buy a house...and sell ours. On top of going back to work... we have an accepted offer on our super close to perfect dream house, contingent on selling our house. But there is a time frame. I'm stressed.

Oh...and DD broke out in hives for (still) some unknown reason .. and a week later the scratched spots make her look like she got in a clawing match with someone. DS got a mosquito bite on his ear, which swelled to twice it's normal size...he's flirting with a fever, I don't know how I'm going to get done what I need done tomorrow if I need to stay home with him.... I'm just stressed.

Stupid, huh?

We are healthy, blessed individuals who have a safe and great spot to live now. My children are healthy. Priorities are in order, but I'm feeling guilty.....

I hope this is normal for moms to feel this way. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed this down in writing.

Discouraged.

I want to run. I want to get healthy. I want to have that time to myself to think, or maybe even *not* think. I know that most effort is not easy. I know that I should not give up. I'm not giving up. I'm pounding the pavement slowly, but surely. It is HARD. Especially when I am such a determined, routine-loving, driven, and stubborn person. I want my family to get healthier. I am trying, but meeting serious resistance. I'm also trying to get my family MOVING more. Again, it is hard. But I'm trying. I'm really REALLY trying. I'm just so discouraged. I'm leaning toward the "NO EXCUSES" approach, as I'm the "all or nothing" type. I've always had the "black and white" mentality, never fully accepting the shades of grey as being OK. But I'm learning to accept those shades as perfectly alright. Sorta. I still made myself get out and jog this morning, because it was ONLY 92 degrees. For as intelligent as I am, that was one of the DUMBEST decisions I've made. Forgetting to factor in the humidity, and the blazing sun, which made the temperature SEEM like 150 degrees. (NOAA said it actually felt like 100.) I think I actually cried some tears during the run, or maybe that was just sweat. I'm not sure. But I felt like crying. It was miserable. I only was out there for 26 minutes, jogging 16 minutes, walking 10. But I made it. I completed c25k w5d2. I'm more than halfway through the program. When I got inside, I cried for real. For two reasons. One, what a dumb decision it was to run right then, and two, because I was so proud of myself for not giving up. Even though I wanted to. Seriously though, the fact that I completed the run outweighs the negatives.

I don't know if anyone will even read this. But whatever. I feel better for writing the words.

Finished my first "Community College" class! Lol!

*May 2000, graduated with my Bachelor's Degree.
*December 2002, graduated with my Master's Degree.
*May 2010, my teaching license went "inactive" because I wasn't currently teaching.
*April 2012 I decided I'm ready to reactivate it.

Do you know what is involved with getting my license reactivated? Here's the short of it.

Call Missouri. All I have to do is "complete a 2-3 hour college course that pertains to the degree."
((OK))
Call Arkansas. Have to have "Arkansas History and a current license OR have Arkansas History and retake the Praxis I and II." ((WHAT THE WHAT??? I **HAVE** my original Praxis scores in my files...))

So I enroll in the local community college (they wanted my High School transcript and ACT scores. I laughed, thinking I'd never find them. But guess what? After 15 years and 8 moves, I DID FIND THEM! Thanks, OCD!), take Arkansas History online, finish the 8 week course in a matter of 24 days (yay, me!), get my Transcript printed with my 100.18% A for Arkansas History, (I missed ONE point in the entire course, but ended up with 5 bonus points!) prepare to mail it to Missouri, along with my fingerprints in REAL ink for Missouri's database, even though I already have them digitally scanned in the NATIONAL FBI database, but whatever.

So I mail all the necessary stuff to Missouri, and wait for those precious ACTIVE pieces of paper to arrive at my house.

Then I will take those active pieces of paper, another community college transcript proving I took the AR History course, and all the necessary stuff up to Little Rock and hand deliver them to the man in charge. (Who happens to be friends with my father in law, so I can do that.) ((Thanks, Freddie! ;-) ))

Then I'm sure I'll need to wait a few weeks, and then, THEN I will have my perfectly active, precious pieces of paper in my pretty little hands..... so I can wait for the perfect teaching position to open up!

((And teach alliteration to my students once again.))

Note to self: Don't let your license go inactive again. Stay on top of it every 5 years for the renewal!

You know, even though this reactivation process has been a hurry up and wait, sometimes superbly frustrating, let's see if I can find it, mountain of paperwork process, I'm loving it. I love a challenge, and the organization it takes to get exactly what I'm looking for!

I'll post pics of the precious pieces of paper when they arrive. :)

The Power of Pinterest

Sponge balls. Took awhile to make them, but wow. They were "water balloons," grenades, and best of all, cleaning devices! The kid wash, aka the sprinkler, is also an idea from Pinterest! We are having a great summer! Good mixture of coming, going, playing and relaxing. :-)
PS, E and K had friends over. I didn't pick up two more kids.

Poly Deco WHAT?

OH my goodness. There is this craft stuff. Stuff that is amazingly fun to work with. At first reminded me of that orange fencing that construction workers use to block areas off.... except, well, it's not that orange, and the grid of the "mesh" isn't large... like the fence stuff. But still.... oh my. Now I went nutso (in a classy way) with it this past Christmas. I mean I had fun! I made wreaths, door swags, more wreaths, more wreaths.. more wreaths....you get the picture. Now I'll actually show you my pictures. ;-)

Summer, Day One.

10:00 AM, day one of summer vacation. K says "I have a problem. I don't know what to do." Meanwhile E is already working on the leftover pages in her math book, and K has obviously decided to play with B because I hear "mommy! He won't give me the Squinkie I want!" Ok. So plans must be made so I can keep my sanity this summer. So what do we do? Wash the van, of course! (Note to self, plan to "WASH the van WEDNESDAY....") Then they wanted to jump on the trampoline to "dry off" after our spontaneous water fight.... which led to soaping up the neighbor's trampoline and having a slippery good time. They are currently surfing on the trampoline as I blog from my phone. Life is good!

Grainy Pictures

I've noticed the last couple of posts have very grainy pictures. I took and uploaded these pictures from my phone. Sorry!

I'm so proud of myself!!

I painted this. I didn't copy someone else's project. I did it!! I came up with the painting based on a curtain at Target. I am grinning ear to ear!!
This is for E's teacher, who is having her first baby next month. :-) Go ME!!!

Dance Like No One is Watching.

A couple of different events this week got me thinking about life. Now I'm not going to get philosophical or anything, but I am going to blog what is on my heart.

The untimely death of someone very close to my loved ones has me heartbroken. Especially for my loved ones who are dramatically effected. While the person who died was older, doing what he loved, and was where he loved to be, it does not make his accidental death any easier to deal with. My thoughts and prayers go out to his wife, children, family, friends and loved ones. All I can do is pray for peace and understanding for those he left behind.

The retirement of our Pastor. I have never experienced such a well loved Pastor be celebrated as much as Brother David Blase. He was the man who performed our wedding ceremony. Just like WE wanted it, not like so many others THOUGHT it had to be. In the short time I've known him, I am so thankful that I DID get the opportunity to join the church under his leadership, I got to be in his Sunday School class, and I got to experience the true passion he has for what he loves to do. What a great experience to have a GREAT celebration for this man and his wife as they close a 25 year chapter of their lives at our church!

People. Specifically the people who are so self centered they don't give a rat's a$$ about anyone else. I've had a couple different (second-hand) instances this week with this type of person. WOW. I do not understand how they can be so ignorant. Good thing I heard about how ridiculous they are via someone else. Had I been with this ignorant person, I know I would have told them how ridiculous and selfish they are.....amongst other things.


How lucky I am. I am smart, talented, healthy, educated, crafty, loving, a nurturer, etc.... but someone I talked with this week isn't as (what I refer to as) lucky. Maybe some of my lifelong dreams will come true through helping this person. She opened up to me, and I really do want to help her learn the skills she is lacking.

Health. My little family and I are healthy. Em, Ben and I are dealing with some asthma issues, but we're getting our meds adjusted to assist in feeling even better. I've also started walking and doing Zumba. I'm loving it so far!

Whoa. I just dozed off. I jerked myself awake because I heard a crying baby. Whew. Just on TV.  OK then.....until next time!




Becky

Sunny in September

What an enjoyable day! We worked outside, and now, in true hillbilly fashion are killing two birds with one stone. Fun and a bath! Woot! Cheers, people! :-)

Omelets in a Bag, with Pictures!

Fill a large pot about 1/2 full of water.

While water is preparing to boil, write the initals of each person's omelet on a quart size FREEZER Ziploc bag. This will help to tell them apart once they are finished.

Crack two eggs in a liquid measuring cup (the first time I made the omelets, I cracked the eggs directly into the bag. You can opt do this, but it is a MUCH messier step. Trust me.)

Add the ingredients of your choice to the eggs. I added milk and cheese to this one. Make sure not to add too much milk, as it will expand. However, you can make a very light and fluffy omelet by adding milk. Just be prepared for how large it will be... as you will see in later pictures! LOL!

Dump the ingredients from the measuring cup into the bag.

Squeeze out all of the air and zip the bag closed.

Looks delicious, huh? Now you need to squeeze or shake the bag to mix up the ingredients.

Here are our three omelets ready to take the plunge. DH likes a LOT of toppings in his omelet, to hide the taste and texture of the eggs. It turns out almost like a crustless quiche. Pretty tasty, I might add!

Add the bags to the boiling water. Boil for 13 minutes. If you added milk, there will be "water" you'll need to drain out of the bag once they are finished.

Use tongs to pull the omelets out of the water. Put them on a paper towel to absorb the water from the outside of the bags.

Open the bags, and the omelet will slide right out of the bag onto your plate! The omelet on the purple plate is DD's omelet. Remember how much milk I added? Oops. Giant omelet. But man, was she thrilled! (To put it in perspective, those are regular sized pancakes....)

Here is my omelet. I used less milk in mine. Sorry for the incorrect lighting of the picture, but you can see that it is a perfectly shaped, light and fluffy, non-greasy, ham and cheese omelet. Yummy!

Hope these step by step directions help! Contact me if you have any other questions, and I'll try to help. Bon appetit!

Meet Max

Max has decided to stage a sit-in. Literally. I can't get any work done! Trying to take advantage of DS resting... but DKS (dear kitty son) obviously needs his share of attention.

Mother Ship Is Calling....

I think Hobby Lobby should be my second home. You could send my mail there, and I'd be able to pick it up at least 2-3 times a month! It would be more often if I lived closer to one.... but my finances and my overflowing craft closet say I'm good for now. Lots of projects to do! Yesterday I made a Scrapper shirt a Scrapper skirt to wear over black leggings for DD to wear to school or games....("but not together because they just don't match, mommy" ~ DD...... and a set of outdoor curtains to cover a blocked off sliding glass door on one of the back decks. Believe me, this will make our neighbors happy... they won't have to stare at that ugly door.... Today the sewing machine is still out, so who knows what I'll find that needs to be sewn. I'll post pictures later of the projects I made yesterday, but 1) DD is wearing the shirt today, 2) I have to get a curtain rod before I can hang the curtains, and 3) well, the skirt is sitting right here, but I will post all the pics together. I hope to have a wonderfully crafty day! Ha!

Sneaky Little....

No worries, it's me. I'm the sneaky little someone. I'm proud of it, too. You see, I had grandiose plans to make manicotti for dinner last night. I'm the only one who has ever tasted the delicacy. So I started preparing the meal, and whoops, I kinda forgot the RICOTTA cheese. Kind of important, as that helps keep the stuffing in the shells. So, I improvised, and made kind of an "Italian" slop with manicotti noodles plopped in there. Then I scooped it on top of garlic bread. Man, it was tasty. DD and DS were kind of afraid of the sauce (they aren't fans of most red sauces, so I wasn't surprised), but DBS ate it ALL up. I mean ALL of it. If he only knew that I pureed spinach and mushrooms.... and added it to the sauce..... bwah ha ha ha! (~Giggles~)